Am I in remission?

Remission vs. Recovery

I was roaming around the Middle-path website, and I noticed this slide. I've never noticed it before. As I wrote a little while back, I've had a bunch of people say they thought I was in "recovery" from my Borderline. I've been really struggling with the concept of recovery. To me, the term recovery means you've been cured and the disorder is never coming back. I don't see that really applying to me because I still really struggle with Borderline.

Maybe remission is more like what I'm in. If you have cancer, and they say you're in remission, it means the cancer is gone, but it could always come back. I think that's how I am with Borderline. It's not really there right now, but it can come back at any time.

The slide says remission means you no longer meet five or more of the criteria. Considering when I was diagnosed I matched all 9, I have had a long way to go. I guess the best way to look at this is to take all 9 criteria and see how many I match right now.

1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

This currently is under control, but when my husband and I fight, this symptom rears its ugly head, so I can say under normal circumstances I don't meet this anymore, but under the stress of a fight, I still meet it.

2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

My marriage is still a little rocky, but I wouldn't say it's unstable anymore. I don't really alternate between those extremes anymore. So I guess I don't meet this one anymore.

3. identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

This one I still meet completely. I don't know who I am or what I want from life.

4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).

I've quit drinking. I still binge eat, so I guess that makes me still meet this one. I have my spending under control by using the mystery shopping to limit what I spend.

5. recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

I don't think I meet this one anymore. I still have thoughts of cutting, but I have been able to control myself and not cut.

6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood

My moods are pretty much under control with the help of medicine. So I don't meet this one anymore

7. chronic feelings of emptiness

This one I definitely still meet. I always feel empty and lonely no matter how many people are around.

8. inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger

It's been quite a while since I had "intense" anger. I've been able to control myself quite well. So cross this one off the list

9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

This one is also another one I can cross off for sure.

Ok, so that's 3 criteria items left that I for sure meet. And 2 that I could meet depending on the circumstances. I guess that means I'm in remission. I'm much more comfortable saying that then trying to say I'm in recovery.