Relationship911.com
The suspicion that your relationship partner may be cheating on you is usually linked to one or more of the following factors: Insecurity, projection, intuition, noticeable changes in your partner's behavior, or objective facts and circumstances. Consider the following:
INSECURITY
If you suspect your partner is cheating, and yet there is absolutely no objective evidence or behavioral changes in your partner to support your suspicion, then it's very possible you may be experiencing a bout of insecurity. This might be stemming from feelings of low self-esteem, depression, anxiety or a general inability to trust. Therefore, exploring your feelings in more detail is a good idea before confronting your partner with your unfounded suspicions.
PROJECTION
Projection is a classic psychological manifestation wherein a person projects onto others his or her own feelings about certain thought or actions which he or she is engaged in, or maybe contemplating. For example, if you are cheating or thinking of cheating, then it would not be out of the ordinary for you to project your feelings about this onto your partner, such that you might begin to suspect that he or she is cheating. Projection serves the purpose of blinding us to our own unresolved or uncomfortable feelings, particularly guilt, by transposing them onto others. Therefore, if you are cheating or thinking of doing so, and you suspect that your partner is cheating, you might try stopping for awhile to see if your suspicions disappear. If they do, then clearly you are projecting. In any event, if you are cheating, or contemplating doing so, you need to explore this issue independent of what you partner may or may not be doing.
INTUITION
Intuition is sometimes referred to as a gift. Perhaps what best describes intuition is that it is a way of knowing things which are below the level of consciousness, and which are not represented by observable facts or circumstances. If you get a “gut” feeling that your partner may be cheating, and you can rule out insecurity and projection, then you should probably honor your intuition and explore a bit further. It's not a good idea, however, to confront your partner solely on the basis of your intuitive feelings. Rather you should wait to gather more concrete evidence.
BEHAVIORAL CHANGES
Changes in your partner's behavior or habits can be due to any number of circumstances, stressors, and events. However, if your partner starts exhibiting any of the following changed behaviors, then perhaps more exploration is called for:
— Taking extra ordinary care with physical appearance, clothing, hair, weight etc.
— Working later than usual, or taking more “business” trips than usual.
— Presenting you with gifts and flowers more often than what is usual.
— Discernible lack of interest in sex, or a sudden interest in uncharacteristic, kinky or aggressive sex.
— Sudden change in his or her availability to be contacted by phone when at work or away.
— Not wearing his/her wedding or engagement ring.
— Jumps up to answer incoming phone calls before you do.
— Begins taking showers upon returning home.
— Returns home with wet hair or smells or appears as if he/she may have bathed prior to returning home.
— Has a new key or keys on his/her key ring, yet claims not to remember what the key or keys are for.
— Is picking fights with you as a pretext to leave the house for long periods of time.
— Seems overly defensive when asked to account for his/her time or whereabouts.
OBJECTIVE FACTS OR CIRCUMSTANCES
If your suspicion is based on an objective fact or circumstance such as finding a love letter, finding lipstick or makeup stains, smelling perfume or cologne on him or her that is unfamiliar, or being told by a reliable source that “something may be going on,” then clearly your suspicions are well-founded and deserve further exploration.
Though it should be obvious, it is probably necessary to point out that concerns over whether your partner is cheating on you are only valid if you are in a professed exclusive relationship. If you are not in an exclusive relationship, but are simply dating non-exclusively, then your partner's other involvements are his or her own business, and frankly, you have no basis for pursuing theories about his or her fidelity or lack thereof.
On the other hand, if you are in a professed exclusive relationship, then certainly you have the right to ascertain your partner's fidelity or lack thereof, whenever it is warranted.
But remember, there is a big difference between being insecure or paranoid, and relying on justifiable hunches and objective facts. Therefore, before you go invading your partner's privacy and leveling accusations, you need to be completely clear that you are not imagining things or engaging in projection. If you are doing so, and you proceed to accuse your partner of betrayal, then you may unwittingly put your relationship on shaky ground, particularly if your partner discovers that you have invaded his or her privacy simply because you are acting irrationally. So before jumping to conclusions, be sure to explore your feelings completely, deal with the facts as they become available, and only confront your partner when you are absolutely certain that there is infidelity taking place.
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