I've talked a bunch of times on here about how much I like "Twilight" and about how I love anything dealing with vampires.Today I responded to a comment on a previous post and said that I normally don't get triggered by images that other former/current self-harmers get triggered by, but the scene of Twilight where Bella has been bitten on the wrist really triggers me. (yeah that's a screen grab of her wrist to the right. i know it's horribly difficult to make out)
It's not really the cut or the blood that does it. It's the mix of pleasure and pain on her face that reminds me of cutting. It's really hard for me to watch that scene because it makes me remember how much I used to love the pain and pleasure that came from cutting. I've watched the movie a bunch of times since I picked up my copy on the 21st, and it doesn't really get any easier with each time.
It also reminds me of how my ex-husband cut my left wrist on the night in 2006 that led to me getting him arrested for domestic violence. The physical scar on my wrist faded a long time ago, but that emotional scar is still there. Whenever I see a bloody wrist it makes me think about that, and for some reason my mind still wants to finish the cut he started.
Has the scene triggered anyone else? Or is it just me?
I just really don't get why watching this specific scene triggers me when nothing else ever really does.
Along the line of the abuse, another one of the Post Secret cards this week grabbed my attention ...
2 comments:
I think that what you are feeling is normal, really. I don't know if this applies, but it is no different than an alcoholic or recovering alcoholic who gets the urge when they see and smell alcohol..same with drugs, food or whatever.
This is a big part of your life and it is ok to feel..especially when you see something that you can so easily relate to :)
Honestly I can relate because I used to do the cutting thing when I was in my late teens early twenties... it was an addiction, an emotional release for me & when I do see images or read about it it makes me think about what I used to do. I haven't done it in quite a few years now, I struggled alot when I first stopped and I still have the scars...
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