... Yep, that's right. I hurt myself tonight at work. I didn't cut, but I did harm myself.My brain is hurting so bad right now and I'm so stressed out that I can't really piece together a "real" blog entry, but I wanted to at least tell you guys that it happened.
A lot of crap has been happening lately, especially at work, that has been pushing me farther and farther toward self-harm.
I even took a trip to my mom's house for the last couple days (Tuesday morning through this morning) to de-stress, but the fucking stress followed me there, so it didn't help any. Apparently I should have just left my laptop at home and turned my phone off while I was there.
What I did tonight was... After getting so stressed out leading up to our first deadline that I started shaking, I snuck off where no one else was and I used my right fist to punch my left wrist over and over and over and over again as hard as I could without leaving a bruise. It's something I used to do when I didn't have something to cut with. Plus, I was pulling my hair all night.
I'm trying to not be pissed at myself for doing it, but it's hard. That's all I can get out right now. I'll try to explain more about it all tomorrow.
P.S. How sad is it that I had the relapse photo saved on my computer for several weeks knowing that I'd end up relapsing at some point and would want to use it in a blog entry about it?
5 comments:
Take care ok, and don't be too hard on yourself for releasing stress in one familiar way. I think laptops and cellphones are responsible for so much stress these days, because there's just no easy way to escape. Hope you have a quieter weekend (((jen)))
So sorry Jennifer...please take care of y o u ! i wish things at work weren't so bad that they lead you to such stress. Please tell us more when you are ready. meanwhile, hugs to you.
(my "secret"? Burned myself a bit yesterday because the ladies at the desk at my husband's Dr. appointment were "mean". Heh, did it right there in their restroom...ha. As if they care..)
Don't beat yourself up. We all have bad days, when old, familiar, ugly habits raise their ugly heads... And then it's back to normal.
Hey girl, Im really sorry you harmed yourself today. But, you arent alone. I do the same thing...punch my wrists etc. Just remember, you are a beautiful person you should always feel beautiful
It's OK, we all relapse from time to time. These are really hard behaviours to get over and learn how to deal with differently. Now you can reflect back and with that new awareness hopefully choose something different next time.
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