- sometimes I can be a really sweet person... shhhh... don't tell anyone
- I know im screwed when all my personalities are depressed at once
- If my life was a tv show, it would be canceled after 3 episodes
- i'm head-over-heels happily in love ... with myself
- I plead temporary insanity... only problem is my insanity is permanent
- it's raining, it's pouring, my job is boring
- i wish i could distract myself from myself
- i can't escape the vicious carrots
- A prozac a day keeps the voices away
- I'm looking for true love ... Psychos need not apply
- I'm dreaming of finding my own personal fairytale... Until Prince Charming comes along, I might as well be a nun
- forget the rain forest, save yourself
- it's a miracle what all i can get done before work when i actually get out of bed before 1 p.m.
- shit happens... mostly to me
- i'm not a toy u can pick up and play with whenever you want
- i'm harmless ... unless you're a man & you piss me off
- i have a killer headache... it's called work
- Sugar and cheese are essential parts of life
- The ice cream man is driving through the neighborhood. I'm pretty certain he sells drugs out of his truck
- working for a newspaper is like letting the devil fuck u up the ass with a tree
- sometimes i wish it was legal to go all Lorena Bobbit on certain men and chop their penises off when they make me mad
- who's that eating a whole can of cherry pie filling ? yep it's me
- I feel really shallow sometimes... I follow some people just cause they look cute in their photo
- Life is a chess game and I was merely your pawn
- If I didn't know better, I'd think I smoked some crack tonight
- if u dont want neighbors to think you're crazy, dont chase your dog outside @ 1:45 am with spoon yelling "i want to spoon u" like i just did
- why can't my health problems ever be normal, or at least common? i mean come on... navel bleeding???
- some days i'd really like to drill a hole through my head with my power tools
- editing stories sometimes makes me feel like an idiot....
- Wallow in self-pity or do my mystery shopping reports ??? hmm, self pity is winning
- I'm an emotional tornado.....
- just told coworkers that "i'm prone to be a freak"
- i'd really let myself love him... if i didn't hate him so much
- i need a male robot..... one that can't talk
- I really love writing dirty-minded headlines for stories... even if they don't make it into the final newspaper
- i've decided that the older i get, the weirder i become
- so sick of men now i may never have sex again
- Quote from my brother - "when i fart its like world war 2 in my ass"
- I'm bipolar by birth... i'm a bitch by choice
- just wondered how a cow mixed with a poodle would look
- renewed my drivers license today, why do i always look like a sexual predator in my license photo?
- i love eating ice cream more than i ever loved my ex-husband
- some days jennifer feels like talking in 3rd person
- just told a friend this: "i love barbecue so much that sometimes brisket shows up in my sex dreams ... i'm weird"
- i really hate when i go to the restroom at work and someone starts moaning in the next stall ...
- i just learned how to say "you have a small penis" in sign language...
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