I feel so hurt and scared

I've been staring at the computer screen for a long time trying to think how to word how I feel and I really can't.

The best I can say is I feel hurt. Everyone in my life has left me feeling hurt lately (by "life" I mean the people I know face-to-face. My internet friends have done nothing to hurt me).

I feel like I have poured my heart out into all my friendships and relationships, and I have just been torn... disappointed by everyone. I feel like my heart is just exposed, like there's no skin or bones covering it. I feel like everything is hurting it because there's nothing protecting it from harm.

When I need someone to be there to talk to when I'm upset, there's never anyone there. I really have no one to lean on... at least no one who truly understands me and fully cares.

Ending my 7-year friendship with my former best friend was one of the best things I've done recently. She has hurt me so much by never being the friend she claimed to be. Cutting off contact with her actually did some good because she doesn't have an opportunity to blow me off when I'm suicidal or something like that now. Having a predetermined decision to not run to her when I'm upset takes away the possibility to be hurt. If that makes any sense.

The situation with my ex-boyfriend Aaron is starting to hurt me more and more each day. There's never been any closure between us because frankly nothing has ever really fully ended between us. I've made the mistake of talking to him the other night, and he started calling me baby and sweetheart and talking about how we almost got married and were in love, and it got to me. I do still love him, and no matter how much I try to ignore it, it's there. There's a huge part of me that wants to get back together with him, but in my head, I know it would probably be a big mistake if I did. Of course, there's a chance that if I took the risk, that maybe things would work out wonderful and we'd both finally be happy. I'm scared to take the risk because I'm afraid I'm going to get hurt, but I'm scared to not take the risk because I'm afraid I'll continue to hurt because I'm denying myself of the strong love I feel. Aaron keeps pestering me to give him the web address to my blog. He says he wants to read it to learn more about me. I'm struggling with the decision of whether or not to let him read it. Normally I don't mind if someone reads it, but I'm also scared about pouring my heart out to him anymore because if I let him into my heart and mind that much by reading my blog, he could devastate my heart if he hurts me again.

I hate how I feel right now.