Hanging out in cemeteries

I used to love taking photos of corroded grave stones and statues. I always loved to show the beauty in these figures. Well, I haven't taken photos of any of them for years. Something in me fell away but I'm trying to rediscover that side of me, so today I went to three different cemeteries and got camera happy. Here are the results of my experiment:

I call this last one "The Light of Jesus." I'm not very creative with titles, but that seemed to fit it perfectly.

Poem about cutting

Ok, third poem for the night. This one is about cutting...

"The needle"

Secrets poison the night
Fresh cuts
Broken and blind
And bleeding
Needle kills the pain
I can't wake to change
Only live to die

"Almost dead" poem

Another poem I wrote with online magnetic poetry tonight...

"Almost dead"

I am almost dead,
Fully empty inside
Without real life.
No beauty is there,
Only abstract pain.
My joy is surreal.
Why did he waste my dreams?
He was that drug
That killed me.
How can I feel harmony
When I feel so angry,
Suffering silently in my screams?

"Whispers linger" poem

I just wrote this poem using online magnetic poetry...

"Whispers linger"

I live in a dark sad world.
His kiss haunts me still.
I can't escape his voice
And the memories devour me.
Nights hold no promise
Because the whispers linger.
Will it hurt forever?

Sometimes you have to stop & smell the ... well whatever the heck these flowers are

Last Sunday I posted some photos of flowers in my backyard (click here). Saturday I had a blood-red flower show up in my front yard bushes. It's only the third flower to bloom on that bush since I moved into this house 1 1/2 years ago. (In person it looks darker than what it looks like in the photo.)

In the back yard, I now have a tree with dark pink bundles of small flowers. As you can see in the left photo below, that tree is next to the one with larger light pink flowers that I took photos of last week. This is the first time the dark pink ones have bloomed.

It's hard to be all negative about life when you're surrounded by nature's beauty every day. I'm so glad that the family who owned the house before me planted all these flower plants.

Post Secret spoke to me again

There were a bunch of Post Secret cards for this week that stuck out to me....


1. This reminds me of my friend Caroline at I'm a Greedy Girl. She absolutely loves all things fashion, especially shoes, but unfortunately she's on an Oklahoma journalist's budget.



2. This one just stuck out to me because I really want to start doing that to make people paranoid. I'm mean like that.



3. My first roommate from college was a stripper for a while, but she quit. I really wonder if she misses it...



4. I'm glad I've moved past blaming my shady borderline behaviors on my past abuse. It really doesn't do any good to blame others for your own behaviors. You can choose to rise above your past and become a better person ... and that's what I've striven to do.



5. This one reminds me of my high school classmates. The subject has been on my mind a lot lately because this is the 10th school year since I graduated from high school. My class was only 28 people, so we spent a lot of time all together, and we always vowed that we'd be friends forever... well of course, that hasn't happened. I speak to a few of them every once in a while on facebook or myspace, but overall I have no real contact with any of them. Some of them even live in the city and I avoid them like they're the plague.



6. Everyone has an inner strength, even if others don't see it. You're stronger than you even know, and you can make it through anything. If I can make it through almost 5 years with my violent exhusband, anyone can make it through anything. I am a true believer in the Bible verse "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13).



7. All I can say is "eww gross."

The Ellie Bellie Meme

Sunday Stealing: The Ellie Bellie Meme

what are your most common nicknames?
BPD in OKC, obviously... then there's Jen and J-Dubb

what is today's weather?
partly cloudy and hot, fairly pretty day

where did go on vacation this year? what did you do there? where did you stay?
Vacation? what does that word mean?

what job do you do?
I'm a drone at a newspaper

describe where you live.
North-central Oklahoma City, 3 bedroom house in a fairly nice neighborhood, well except for the drug dealers across the street

what do you usually do on weekends?
Work

what food hits your 'bliss spot'?
Cinnamon rolls ... There's a cinnamon roll place in one of the local malls that sells these butter pecan ones and I about die from pleasure every time I walk by and smell them baking. They cost around $5 each, so it's not a cheap indulgence

what drink really does it for you?
Mt Dew

describe the first friend that comes to your head.
She's my coworker who I can talk to about anything, but she's leaving next week. :(

what was the last restaurant you went to?
Chipotle. I went and picked up food for 8 of us yesterday during work. They're burritos are HUGE

where would you like to live if you had unlimited moneys and nothing stopping your dreams?
Australia. I want to play with kangaroos and koalas

what is the likeliness of you achieving this dream home?
Not likely at all

what do you like to do in your spare time?
Watch tv and cuddle with the dogs on the couch

what's your favorite genre for TV programs?
Teen drama/comedies... I am a teenybopper inside

what's your favorite genre for music?
Depends on my mood

what's your favorite song that's sad?
It's a song about an angel from an fairly unknown singer. I had it on a CD but lost it a year ago, and now I can't remember the singer's name or the name of the song

what's your favorite soppy film?
August Rush

how about your favorite chick flick?
A Walk to Remember

what are you looking forward to at the moment?
The fall. I can't wait for the temperatures to cool down. I hate Oklahoma summer

what are you dreading at the moment?
Work after that previously-mentioned coworker leaves

how would you describe your personality?
Crazy unstable fun

if you had a personality eraser, what part of yours might you erase?
The unstability

you are given $5000 to spend in 1 day, what do you do with it? remember, no limitations!
Honestly, I'd just pay off credit card bills

what is your biggest fear?
Probably heights... I have a lot of fears, and I've never really thought about what the biggest is

Depression/bipolar survey

Chato B. Stewart from MentalHealthHumor.com is conducting a short survey on depression to collect information to be used in an article for his mental health newsletter. The survey is for people living with depression, in recovery or newly diagnosed.

It asks about when you were diagnosed and about your symptoms, and it has you describe your depression in your own words. He'll quote some of the best responses.

Click here to take the survey.

BS, Dog Kisses, Memories And More!

1. Have you ever played Bullshit?
No, but every time I watch "How to lose a guy in 10 days" I think it looks fun

2. A dog licks you on your face. Are you disgusted or thinking it was sweet?
I normally think it's sweet, but if the dog's breath is gross, I get disgusted

3. Tell us about a fun/special memory you have of a grandparent.
My mom's parents always had candybars in their fridge, and every time we visited, we got a candybar. And my grandfather always had Werthers Originals and I loved when he gave me one

4. Have you ever pet a rat?
I don't think I've ever petted a rat, but my ex-nephew-in-law had a pet mouse that I played with

5. If I walked into your kitchen, where are the cups?
Most of them are up in the cabinets, but the three I use regularly are either dirty in the sink or in the dishwasher

6. Since you already let me in your home, I found the cup and had water, now where's the bathroom from the kitchen?
Around the corner, first door on the left in the hallway... or at the end of the hallway in the master bedroom

7. Have you ever pet a turtle or tortoise?
My hometown always had turtle races each year for the Fourth of July, so we'd go hunting for a turtle the last week in June and then care for the turtle until after the race, so I'm sure I petted one at some point in my childhood. I miss those turtle races. :(

Health insurance sucks

For a couple months, my mom has been having severe pain and been vomiting a lot. Last week she found out that she has a massive stone in her gallbladder and needs to have the gallbladder taken out.

Her small town does not have a local surgeon, but one comes down from Kansas on Thursdays and does surgeries at the hospital. My mom met with him last Thursday and he looked over her ultrasound and blood test results and determined surgery was necessary. Today my mom found out that her insurance won't cover him doing the surgery.

Her job doesn't offer insurance, so she has a cheap insurance that the state offers to low-income families. I've looked at all the paperwork they sent her and the information on the insurance company's website, and nowhere does it list surgeons that it covers. There's three different lists of family practice doctors and OBGYNs, but no other specialty doctors. There's a page in the big booklet that makes it sound like it will cover any specialist that your family doctor refers you to, but obviously that isn't the case.

So what options does she have? The nearest bigger town (60 miles away) has only one surgeon, so even if the insurance covers him, who knows if she could get the surgery done anytime soon. Then the next bigger town (75 miles away) probably has more than that, but we don't know anyone who's had surgery there.

This evening my mom said that she may end up coming to live with me for a couple/few weeks and get it done here. She figures that if she can find another surgeon, he'll probably want to do his own ultrasound and blood tests (hopefully she's wrong, and he'll use what she's already had done), so she figures it will be a 2-3 week process at least.

After talking to her, I tried to do some research and look up surgeons here in the city, but I didn't have much luck. Only one of the hospitals lists the insurances that each doctor takes, and her insurance wasn't listed on any of them. I suppose we'll have to call every single surgeon's office and have them check it out for us.

Hopefully we'll figure something out... or we'll be paying for it all out of our pockets.

Love it or hate it

1. The new sports season is about to begin...do you love it or hate it?
I pretty much hate all sports

2. What's your favorite of the sports and what team?
If I had a gun to my head and was forced to watch sports... I'd watch Cubs baseball

3. Do you get snow where you live? Do you love it or hate it?
We get tons of snow and ice. It's fine as long as it doesn't stick to the roads and cause it to be difficult to drive

4. You got stopped by a cop who tells you were speeding. Do you explain some made up story as to why you were speeding or deny it and try to get out of it?
I've only been stopped for speeding twice; only one cop gave me a ticket and that was when I was 18 .... If it ever happened again, I'd probably lie and say that my speedometer had been messing up and I didn't know I was speeding. I doubt the cop would believe me, but my driving record is great, so I'd probably get off with a warning anyways

5. You just had a fight with the person you are closest to. Do you not speak to them until they apologize...or do you apologize first.
Well if we're talking about my so-called best friend... I'd wait until she called to apologize to me because she's a bitch anymore and she'd probably deserve anything I said in the fight

6. What do you love about this time of year?
The kids go back to school and I can go to the mall during the daytime and not get ran over by teenyboppers

7. Your doctors says you need more exercise....what do you take up for exercise?
I tell them I'll exercise, but I never do

8. If you could travel in time...where in time would you go? Why?
I'd go back to the 1920's so I could be a flapper

Such a beautiful day

I'm having a great and productive day thus far. Part of greatness is because I'm seeing tons of these beautiful pink and white flowers outside my back door today.

I feel so happy to be alive today... hoping this feeling lasts a while...

Jodi's Meme: My Life According to Kelly Clarkson

I've basically done this one before using Pink's music (see the post here), but I'm doing it again with a new musician as part of the Sunday Stealing meme...



Sunday Stealing: Jodi's Meme

INSTRUCTIONS: Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Post as "Jodi's Meme: My Life According to (BAND/ARTIST NAME)" The great thing is that if you have already done this meme, you can do it again with a different artist! Please do!


-Artist: Kelly Clarkson

-Are you a male or female? "A Natural Woman"

-Describe yourself: "Impossible"

-How do you feel right now? "Sober"

-If you could go anywhere, where would you go? "Already Gone"

-Your favorite form of transportation: "Just Missed the Train"

-Describe Your Morning Routine: "Dirty Little Secret"

-Your best friend is: "Judas"

-What's the weather like: "Beautiful Disaster"

-Pet Peeve? "Can I Have a Kiss"

-If your life was a TV show, what would it be called: "The Day We Fell Apart"

-Your relationship: "Don't Waste Your Time"

-Your Fear: "Hole"

-What is the best advice you have to give? "Be Still"

-If you could change your name, you would change it to: "Miss Independent"

-What do you say when you are frustrated? "Never Again"

-Thought for the day: "Don't Let Me Stop You"

-How you would like to die: "Not Today"

-Your soul's present condition: "Haunted"

-Your motto: "I Do Not Hook Up"

I Ran

Saturday 9: I Ran

1. When's the last time you ran?
I bought a new lawnmower the other day because the last one bit the dust. It has a self-propel function, meaning that you can pull this little lever and it takes off dragging you behind it. The damn thing goes so fast that I had to run to keep up with it

2. Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them?
As soon as something rips, I stop wearing them. My momma always taught me that ripped clothes aren't proper

3. What are you dreading right now?
Work, as usual

4. Do you like Mexican food?
Yo Quiero Taco Bell

5. Favorite ice cream?
Butter pecan from Braums

6. When was your last doctor's visit?
Couple months ago

7. Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night?
Not even close

8. How many pets do you have?
2 dogs (Oreo & Pearlz) who live with me and 1 dog (Paws) who is technically mine but now lives with my mom & brother, and my brother has another dog (Rowdy) who I treat like he's my own dog too

9. "First Loves Are Never Over;" is this true for you?
Yep, I still love my first love... stupid bastard...

Depression's effect on pleasure is real

By HealthDay

Loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities is a common sign of depression -- and it's a neurological response that researchers can actually see in the brain.

When listening to their favorite music, depressed people showed less activity in regions of the brain that are involved with experiencing pleasure and processing rewards compared with healthy people, Canadian researchers found.

In the study, the researchers asked 15 non-depressed people and 16 people recently diagnosed with depression for a list of their favorite music and music that they felt neutral about (neither liked nor disliked). Participants then listened to their musical selections for three minutes.

Functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) scans of the brain showed that the non-depressed participants had more neural activity in several areas of the brain associated with reward processing and pleasure than depressed participants did, according to the report published in the Aug. 26 issue of the journal NeuroReport.

The researchers said the findings show a neurological underpinning for a common depressive symptom and suggest that depression can interfere with enjoyment of something as basic as music.

"Our results revealed significant responses within the areas of the brain that are associated with reward processing in healthy individuals. They also showed significant deficits in these neurophysiological responses in recently depressed subjects compared to the healthy subjects," Dr. Elizabeth Osuch, a researcher at the Lawson Health Research Institute in Ontario, said in a news release from the journal's publisher.

The findings may suggest new treatments for depression, the study authors said.

"If we can target these areas of the brain through treatment, we have the potential to treat depression earlier, right at the source," Osuch added.

Gum disease update

Figured I should give an update on my teeth/gum disease situation since I haven't in a while. I had three procedures to clean out the gum disease, with the last of the three last week.

When the woman was doing the procedure last week, she noticed that the enamel on my right top front tooth and the tooth directly to the right of that one had one small cavity each. These were my first ever cavities, so I'm pretty annoyed by that. But I guess going almost 28 years of life without a single cavity is a good thing.

I had to go back in two days ago to get the cavities filled. I am surprised at how well the dentist matched the coloring of my teeth. You can't tell at all that they have fillings in them now.

There are several other teeth on the bottom left that has weakened enamel also, so I'll have to watch them to make sure they don't get cavities also.

They think they got the gum disease taken care of ... at least for now. I don't have to go back in for 3 months unless something starts hurting again. At least right now, I have fairly happy teeth & gums.

A Poetic Anthology for the Abused

NOTE FROM JENNIFER: I'm going to see if I can find this book locally and will give you guys a review if I do find it...


By GLOBE NEWSWIRE

In a new book released through Xlibris, author Patricia Ann La Fountain marches over eighty poems written to all those who have been and are being abused.

"Life, Love, and Abuse" candidly touches on personal and social issues that the world is facing today. Wrapped with powerful words written in rhythmic style, each piece in the riveting poetic anthology is crafted out of the insights and emotions of the author in a way that many others can relate to.

“The Lord Is Coming For Me” tells the touching story of a cancer victim's acceptance of her fate. An intense illustration of sentiment, “Love, Hate, Betrayal” talks of an infidelity that robbed away the trust in a relationship.

“Bed Time Stories” (see below) is a heart-wrenching poem about the motherly love that should be appreciated, especially during the darkest hours.

Eye-opening and rather blunt, the piece “Incest” talks about the reality that is happening in some homes, where a parent deliberately molests his or her own child.

Throughout the pages of this release, readers will discover that one can find peace out of the things he or she could not control. An outward expression of passion and anger, "Life, Love, and Abuse" will entertain both the lost soul and the fulfilled heart.

For more information on this book, go to www.Xlibris.com.

About the Author
Patricia Ann La Fountain was born in New York. She began writing poetry after her father left, and life wasn't the easiest since. Writing is her only resort when she needs peace. She writes in the hope of helping others in their lives.

"Life, Love, and Abuse" by Patricia Ann La Fountain
Publication Date: August 14, 2009
Trade Paperback; $19.99; 181 pages; 978-1-4415-5084-2
Trade Hardback; $29.99; 181 pages; 978-1-4415-5085-9