my life in slow motion

Right now it really feels like I'm moving through life in slow motion while everything around me is in fast forward. I seriously feel that even if I find my way back to normal speed, that everyone will still be going much faster than me.

I know a ton of women who are pregnant right now or who have just had a baby. For many of them it's not even their first child. It's their second or third. They're all in happy marriages (or at least what appears to be happy). I have a cousin who just had a set of twins. One is a boy and the other is a girl. That's what I always wanted... twins that are a boy and a girl. Plus, she already has an older daughter. Two of the coworkers I work with the most are pregnant. It just doesn't seem fair.

It doesn't really help that another one of my coworkers who isn't pregnant and isn't married keeps talking about her biological clock going crazy. She's only 3 years older than me.

My boyfriend and I just celebrated our 6-month dating anniversary last night. It feels like we should be getting close to the point of engagement but sometimes I don't think even that will happen. I'm not trying to rush things. Actually I'm keeping things going slow between us because I don't think I'm ready for marriage... we still haven't even had sex yet (my choice). It still feels like it's too soon after my divorce even though it's been almost two whole years since I filed for divorce. Maybe it will always feel like it's too soon.

In the end I just want to feel like I'm going at a normal speed through life, not just inching along day to day. Many days I even question if I'm moving forward at all. I'm getting older but my life keeps going in reverse. It takes everything in me to get out of bed every day just to go to work and do whatever else I have to do. It's like one setback after another.