Well a few weeks ago I was in a used book store selling some books to them to get cash. As I was walking around, I spotted the words "I Don't Want to be Crazy" on a book in the clearance section. I, of course, picked it up. What "crazy" person wouldn't? I read the back cover and flipped through the book, and I thought it was really unique because it's a narrative memoir told in the form of free-form poetry. I just had to have it.
When I got home, I looked up the author's name and discovered I had already been following her blog for ages. The world is so small and strange sometimes. I found her new website -- http://www.samanthaschutz.net/ -- which reveals that Samantha is a little less than three years older than me. It's always interesting to me to find someone who's about my age and actually has a memoir published. I want to publish my own so much, but I'm lazy and struggle to write on it.
Anyways, I'm nearing completion of the book, and I love it. It's a really easy and fast read because of how it's formatted. She reveals a lot about her struggles with anxiety throughout college ... something I can totally relate to. It really reads like I've jumped right into her personal journals.
Some of my favorite quotes from the book:
"When I try to save other people am I trying to save myself? Am I covering up for my lack of strength by putting people back together?"
"I feel like a marionette - like someone else is pulling the strings and I have no choice but to comply."
"Most days it feels like I am watching a movie where the sound isn't in sync, the speed is all wrong. Either I'm moving too quickly and the world is dripping along, or the world is moving too quickly, cosmic, and I'm oozing like a slug barely able to pull my own weight."
"I am the cure and the disease."
"When I have a panic attack the voice in my head says anything can happen. I will go insane, I will die, I will start screaming, I will piss all over myself. I try to tell myself that that voice isn't real, but it's hard. The voice is very convincing."
"I cannot tell if this is a breakthrough or a breakdown. I'm too close to tell."
1 comments:
"When I try to save other people am I trying to save myself? Am I covering up for my lack of strength by putting people back together?"
That is a very interesting question, and someone could probably write a whole book, or at least a long chapter, about it. I would say yes to both questions. I would also say that it can be a way of distracting ourselves from our own problems, because we are strong enough to help someone else, but not necessarily strong enough to help ourselves.
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