Mature audiences only

OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets

You have no doubt seen or heard the commercials: "Where does depression hurt? EVERYWHERE. Who does depression hurt? EVERYONE." Mental illnesses can consume you, take over your entire life and hurt everyone around you if you let it. I am no exception.

My life feels like I am stuck riding on a rollercoaster in the middle of a hurricane. I have ups and downs, and I have left a path of destruction in my wake. My sanity dangles on a tiny fragile string, and through this blog I am giving the world a look into my broken mind and my unstable life.

In the end, I am just a girl trying to maintain my sanity in a candy-coated world of misery. Here you'll get a glimpse at just how true those commercials are. Keep your arms and legs inside the blog at all times, hold on tight, and prepare yourself for a very bumpy ride ...

Feel free to comment here on the blog or email me at bpdokc@yahoo.com.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

I feel like a medical guinea pig

Warning some people (including myself) may find this post very gross ....

I've been having ovarian problems for a year and a half. I'm so sick of the issue. My gynecologist keeps changing me from one medicine to another and nothing is helping. She keeps hesitating when I suggest just doing a hysterectomy because I'm "too young." I really want to just take a steak knife and cut out my ovaries myself. (Of course, I wouldn't do that in reality, but some days I think about it)

I've been on this most recent medicine for four months now. In January, I had a horrible period that lasted 14 days. I had to call in sick to work twice because it made me weak due to the blood loss, nauseous, and left me in horrible pain. February saw no period whatsoever. Then this month, I had a period that was just as bad as January's but lasted even longer (18 days), once again forcing me to call in sick to work more than once. That period ended just five days ago.

Then last night I was working toward my 10:30 p.m. deadline when all of a sudden at 9:45, I felt a weird liquidy sensation inside me, like a gush of liquid. (I know, too much gross information). I should have ran to the restroom at that very second, but I had to finish my work and make the deadline. I wasn't in pain yet, so I was able to make it until 10:30.

As soon as I made the deadline, I ran to the restroom and found that I was massively bleeding... not just a little blood, a major amount of blood. I knew that it wasn't a good sign that I had blood that soon after a period ending. I told my boss that I needed to leave work early because I knew that I would soon be in pain, and I left work just in time to get home before the horrible pains set in. I got light-headed and dizzy from the blood loss and pain as soon as I got home.

I called the doctor first thing this morning and talked to her nurse. They weren't sure what exactly happened last night. It may have been a cyst rupturing or .... well ... who knows what else. The doctor decided that the medicine may actually be doing more harm than good, so she told the nurse to tell me to stop taking it altogether starting today. And she wants to see me in a month after my system "zeros" out from the hormone treatments so she can run tests and talk about the options. One of those options she wants to talk about better be a hysterectomy or I may be finding another doctor.

The nurse said it's hard to tell what's going to happen in the next four weeks until I go in. She said my problems may get better or a hell of a lot worse. I guess only time will tell.

Eating Grapes in the Rain


1. If all the world is a stage, where are the audience sitting? In their own personal hells

2. If ghosts exist and are around us now, what happens if all life on Earth is destroyed? Would ghosts remain or also be destroyed? If ghosts are energy and energy on the planet is destroyed, wouldn't it destroy ghosts?
I don't believe in ghosts.... but I do find watching them on TV shows like "Being Human" to be entertaining 

3. How do you know you live in the real world?
I bleed, therefore I am

4. What the best/worst April Fools Day joke that has ever been played on you? Same question for one that you have played on someone else.
I don't remember one being played on me or playing one on anyone else by me.  I do remember though all the boys in one of my high school math classes turning over all the desks in the classrooms when the teacher went to grab a soda. When she came back, the desks were all upside down

5. If you could pick the last year of your life, which would you pick and why?
 2031 ... I will be 49. I don't want to live past 50 years

6. April showers bring May flowers. Have you ever been stuck in a rainstorm?
I purposely get stuck in the rain. I love the rain

7. Grapes. Green or red/purple? Seeded or seedless?
Seedless red grapes dipped in yogurt

8. Someone knocks at your door asking where your neighbor lives, calling your neighbor by name, do you point them in the right direction?
No, but that's because I have no idea what my neighbors' names are

9. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, What can you touch?
My dog Oreo, a pillow, and a squeaky white bone dog toy

10. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
I took a step outside last night to yell at Oreo to come back into the house


Wednesday, March 30, 2011

"Black Swan" just about killed me


I'm very far behind making a post about the movie "Black Swan." Many people blogged about it when it came out in theaters, but I just watched it Sunday night. My boyfriend and I almost went to see it in a theater when it first came out, but I knew it looked creepy and I figured it would give me nightmares. Little did I know that it would trigger me into wanting to cut myself or worse.

In the trailers, it just seemed like "Black Swan" was a scary movie about ballerinas. I knew there would be some stuff about mental illness, but dear God, I never expected what it turned out to be.

The movie was well written. Frankly, I think it was too well written. The main character seems to have borderline personality disorder. The character fits all the criteria of borderline perfectly.

She has grown up in an emotionally (perhaps sexually) abusive home. She has an eating disorder. She self harms. She is quite delusional and paranoid. She clearly is going through the "splitting" symptoms of borderline.

I did not expect to see the self harm in the film. The main character scratches herself mostly on her back, and judging by what her mother says, she's been self harming for years. All the blood shown in the movie is haunting me. There was also a scene where she rips a long piece of skin from her hand. It was disturbing and gross at the same time.

The most haunting scene showed Winona Ryder's character stabbing herself repeatedly in the face with a nail file. I had to close my eyes when it was happening. It made me want to vomit.

I never used to be easily triggered by images of self harm, but I'm noticing that I'm getting more and more triggered by TV and movies that depict self harm. "Black Swan" made me want to cut or commit suicide or at least scratch myself. The desire to self harm had already crept into my head a few weeks before seeing it, and the movie added to it. For hours all I could think about was slitting my left wrist.

"Black Swan" was particularly damaging because I didn't expect the self harm images at all. I guess that should teach me to read reviews about movies more often before watching them. Maybe if I had known that the movie included so much self harm images, I would've still watched it but I could've waited until I was in a more stable mental state when I saw it.

I feel like my writing in this post is as scattered as the mind of Natalie Portman's character in "Black Swan." Sorry for the weird rambling...

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Project 365 - photos 82-88

These are growing all over a big corporation near my house. So pretty ...


I have been wearing vanilla cupcake-scented perfume to work every day lately. One day a coworker made me feel guilty for my perfume making her hungry, so I bought everyone cupcakes, including these awesome ones with dragonflies ...


The redbud trees are in full bloom around here now ...


I took this inside a store. The actual photo looked nothing like this. It was just a crystal cross with an off-white ceiling as a background. In photoshop, I hit "auto-correct" to have it fix the coloring and it did this. I loved the result ...


I played with these two really cute puppies at my favorite pet store. Puppies bring me joy ...



Random "family" decoration in a story. I loved the font/coloring ...


Are Adult Onset Eating Disorders the New Midlife Crisis?

By www.medcitynews.com

Each year, pediatricians see increasing numbers of very young children, who have fallen prey to eating disorders (EDs), in their clinics and hospitals. But the specter of anorexia, bulimia, and other eating-related disorders can manifest in people of any age. Increasingly, women in their thirties and forties fall prey to these devastating psychological disorders.

Starving in Midlife

Psychiatrists and mental health professionals are reporting steadily increasing numbers of fully adult women presenting with these disorders, which usually develop in the preteen or teenage years. For these people, a major life change or crisis serves as the catalyst for the development of eating disorders. Divorce and loss of a loved one or job represent events that can trigger deterioration of psychological well being leading to the initial appetite and weight loss. The control these women feel, due to the weight loss, can then develop into a serious illness, such as anorexia or bulimia nervosa. These dysfunctional eating patterns can lead to death in many cases for these patients. Some physicians theorize that hormonal imbalances occurring around the time of perimenopause may trigger behaviors that lead to full blown EDs in susceptible women.

How Prevalent Are Adult Onset Eating Disorders?

The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) estimates that 56 percent of women in midlife had a clinical eating disorder in 1997 ’ a significant jump from the 25 percent of women in this age group with an ED in 1972. Experts fear that the actual percentage of midlife women with ED is higher than 56 percent. Mature women conceal their illnesses longer and more effectively than younger, less experienced women. Many of these women probably struggled with an ED at some point in their younger years, but overcame them at some point. Mental health professionals blame societal pressures and ubiquitous media promotion of unrealistic, and even fictional, body types and eating behaviors.

Not a 'Women Only’ Disorder

Men, especially those approaching midlife and beyond, fall prey to EDs as well. The same triggers ’ job loss, loss of a loved one, dissolution of a primary relationship ’ cause certain males to experience mood deterioration that results in obsessive and dysfunctional eating habits. Men engage in the same self-destructive behavior as women, such as over-exercising and extremely controlled eating rituals.

Treatment Options

Many people perceive EDs as a benign psychological condition that will resolve on its own or with minimal intervention by mental health professionals. In reality, the underlying causes are far more complex. Studies point to a genetic link; approximately 10 percent of those with clinical eating disorders have an immediate family member with an ED as well. The most successful courses of treatment involve the entire family as well as individual therapy sessions and pharmaceutical interventions. Eating disorders kill ’ slowly ’ tragically ’ painfully. If you have an eating disorder or suspect someone you know has one, get help immediately. Contact the NEDA for free, confidential advice about professional help in your area.



How to talk about an eating disorder

By Dr. David Prescott, The Acadia Hospital

How do I start a discussion about a possible eating disorder? The first time you raise a concern about an eating disorder with a family member or friend, realize that the conversation may be a starting point rather than an ending point.  Some useful strategies for having the first conversation include:
  1. Learn about eating disorders and treatment options before you talk. Having an understanding of the behaviors, feelings and treatment options for eating disorders will help you to feel more confident and supportive.
  2. Express your concerns without focusing on the eating behavior. Statements like “you are putting on weight” or “you are getting too thin” may backfire quickly. Rather, statements about your experience of what it is like to be around them (“a lot of times I think you are sad or unhappy”) may be a good starting point.
  3. Gently asking whether a person has considered that they might have a problem or if they have thought about talking to a health professional will often yield surprising answers. Typically, people with eating disorders have given the issue a great deal of private thought.
  4. Take a break if things get too stressful. Remember that control is usually an important issue in eating disorders.  Insisting that a difficult conversation be finished “here and now” can often lead to a control battle.  Coming back to the conversation later in a supportive way shows your commitment and willingness to have some give and take.
What are the types of eating disorders? There are three major types of eating disorders:
  1. Anorexia nervosa involves having a distorted body image where a person sees themselves as overweight even when they are dangerously thin.  People with anorexia have an intense fear of gaining weight, and often develop unusual habits such as refusing to eat around other people.  Anorexia usually occurs in women, and is often accompanied by infrequent or absent menstrual periods.
  2. Bulimia nervosa involves eating excessive quantities of food, sometimes in secret, then trying to purge the body of the food and calories by using laxatives, vomiting, exercise or diuretics.  People with bulimia nervosa usually feel ashamed and disgusted as they binge and purge, yet also feel relieved of tension once the cycle is complete.
  3. Binge eating disorder involves frequent episodes of excessive, out-of-control eating. However, there is no attempt to purge the body of excess calories.
How do I know if I am at risk for an eating disorder?  The determination of when issues of food, eating and body image cross the line from “normal concern” to “psychological problem” varies from person to person.  However, if you answer “yes” to any of the following questions, it may suggest that you are at risk for an eating disorder:
  1. Are you constantly preoccupied with weight and an intense fear of becoming fat?
  2. Do you believe that your body weight needs to be below what is recommended by physician or dietitian?
  3. If you are a woman, have you skipped or stopped a menstrual period when you were losing weight?
  4. Do you frequently feel out of control when you eat?
  5. How much of your eating is secretive or hidden from others?
  6. Have you tried, or strongly considered, trying to lose weight by vomiting, using laxatives, or exercising according to how much you eat?

Romantic Rejection May Hurt Just Like Physical Pain

By HealthDay 

Memories of devastating heartbreaks appear to trigger activity in the brain that's similar to when people suffer physical pain, new research suggests.

"This tells us how serious rejection can be sometimes," said study author Edward E. Smith, director of cognitive neuroscience at Columbia University. "When people are saying 'I really feel in pain about this breakup,' you don't want to trivialize it and dismiss it by saying 'It's all in your mind.'"

The finding could lead to more than a better understanding of the link between emotional and physical pain, Smith said. "Our ultimate goal is to see what kind of therapeutic approach might be useful in relieving the pain of rejection."

Previous research has shown a link between what Smith calls "socially induced pain" -- the kind you get from dealing with other people -- and physical pain. For the new study, Smith and colleagues looked at rejection specifically.

"From everyday experience, rejection seems to be one of the most painful things we experience," Smith said. "It seems the feelings of rejection can be sustained even longer than being angry."

But where do you find rejected people? In New York City, of course, where hundreds or even thousands of relationships must fall apart every day. The researchers advertised online and in newspapers in search of people whose romantic partners had broken up with them. In all cases, they hadn't wanted the breakups to happen.

Forty people, all of whom felt "intensely rejected," ultimately took part in the study. As the researchers scanned their brains, the participants were told to look at photos, including photos of their friends (they were directed to think positive thoughts about them), and photos of their exes (they were directed to think about their breakup).

The participants also underwent brain scans as they felt pain on their forearms similar to the feeling of holding a hot cup of coffee.

The findings appear in this week's online issue of the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

Several of the same areas of the brain became active when the participants felt either physical pain or emotional pain. In fact, the two types of pain seem to share more regions of the brain than previously thought, Smith noted.

What about other kinds of emotional pain? Do they have the same effect on the brain? Maybe not. Smith said rejection appears to be in a class by itself in terms of its similarity to physical pain.

Future research could examine how emotional pain due to rejection affects how people feel physical pain, said Robert C. Coghill, an associate professor in the department of neurobiology and anatomy at Wake Forest University School of Medicine. Would rejected people feel more pain than other people? And what about after they get reminded about their rejections by looking at pictures?

For now, one thing is clear: brain scan or no brain scan, rejection hurts.

The Prissy Meme

The Queen's Meme #76

1. What is your favorite lipstick color and why?
I don't wear makeup ... any makeup. If I did, I'd probably go for black lipstick just because I like to be shocking

2. How long does it take you to get ready to go to work in the morning?
It takes a lot longer than it should. It takes about 90 minutes from the time I get out of bed until I'm ready to go out in public. That's because I shower in the morning, and it takes forever to tame my hair. Plus, I have a tendency to waste a ton of time on the internet in between getting up and taking a shower and then getting dressed ... Oh and by the way (not that it matters), I work evening/nights, so my "morning" routine is not in the morning

3. Do you have your nails professionally done? Mani? Pedi?
Nope, never on any of it. I don't see the point. I bite my fingernails all the time when I'm anxious, so my nails look like crap. I'd scare away any nail technician who looked at them

4. Tell us about your latest spa experience - real or imagined.
Never been to a spa, but I wouldn't mind going in for a nice massage at a fancy spa (if someone else paid for it. I'm too cheap)

5. Is there something you'd like to change about your appearance? Would you ever have cosmetic surgery?
There are several things I don't necessarily like, but I see it as God made me look the way I look for a reason, so why would I change it with surgery?

6. How do you take care of your skin?
I don't ... probably why I still get pimples

7. Tell us your secrets for vibrant, shiny, healthy-looking hair
Never ever dry your hair with a blow-dryer

8. What is your favorite fragrance?
Lately I've been wearing a vanilla cupcake-scented body spray. It's awesome

9. Everyone has a certain color they love to wear. What is yours?
Black or really dark blue

10. Do you have ink?
Tattoos? Nope ... Random notes written to myself in marker ink on my hands? Yes

11. How would you describe your personal style?
Comfortable... but mostly just lazy

Monday, March 28, 2011

Cute Video and 3 Questions

Monday Mayhem

Q1. Do you think Donald Trump has a chance at becoming President of the US?
In the past I would have said no, but who knows these days. I mean, Arnold Schwarzenegger was able to win a governor's race, and the mayor of Oklahoma City is a former TV newscaster. Who knows what will happen in the future?

Q2. What's the best way to pile on the calories?
I'd have to say CiCi's Pizza's mac & cheese pizza, followed by cheesecake

Q3. What's the best way to burn those calories?
Hell if I know. I don't exercise... Just ask my doctor. He lectures me about that every 3 months

My cute video: 


Sunday, March 27, 2011

Docs warn about Facebook use and teen depression

By the Associated Press

Add “Facebook depression” to potential harms linked with social media, an influential doctors' group warns, referring to a condition it says may affect troubled teens who obsess over the online site.

Researchers disagree on whether it's simply an extension of depression some kids feel in other circumstances, or a distinct condition linked with using the online site.

But there are unique aspects of Facebook that can make it a particularly tough social landscape to navigate for kids already dealing with poor self-esteem, said Dr. Gwenn O'Keeffe, a Boston-area pediatrician and lead author of new American Academy of Pediatrics social media guidelines.

With in-your-face friends' tallies, status updates and photos of happy-looking people having great times, Facebook pages can make some kids feel even worse if they think they don't measure up.

It can be more painful than sitting alone in a crowded school cafeteria or other real-life encounters that can make kids feel down, O'Keeffe said, because Facebook provides a skewed view of what's really going on. Online, there's no way to see facial expressions or read body language that provide context.

The guidelines urge pediatricians to encourage parents to talk with their kids about online use and to be aware of Facebook depression, cyberbullying, sexting and other online risks. They were published online Monday in Pediatrics.

Abby Abolt, 16, a Chicago high school sophomore and frequent Facebook user, says the site has never made her feel depressed, but that she can understand how it might affect some kids.

“If you really didn't have that many friends and weren't really doing much with your life, and saw other peoples' status updates and pictures and what they were doing with friends, I could see how that would make them upset,” she said.

“It's like a big popularity contest — who can get the most friend requests or get the most pictures tagged,” she said.

Also, it's common among some teens to post snotty or judgmental messages on the Facebook walls of people they don't like, said Gaby Navarro, 18, a senior from Grayslake, Ill. It's happened to her friends, and she said she could imagine how that could make some teens feel depressed.

“Parents should definitely know” about these practices,” Navarro said. “It's good to raise awareness about it.”

The academy guidelines note that online harassment “can cause profound psychosocial outcomes,” including suicide. The widely publicized suicide of a 15-year-old Massachusetts girl last year occurred after she'd been bullied and harassed, in person and on Facebook.

“Facebook is where all the teens are hanging out now. It's their corner store,” O'Keeffe said.

She said the benefits of kids using social media sites like Facebook shouldn't be overlooked, however, such as connecting with friends and family, sharing pictures and exchanging ideas.

“A lot of what's happening is actually very healthy, but it can go too far,” she said.

Dr. Megan Moreno, a University of Wisconsin adolescent medicine specialist who has studied online social networking among college students, said using Facebook can enhance feelings of social connectedness among well-adjusted kids, and have the opposite effect on those prone to depression.

Parents shouldn't get the idea that using Facebook “is going to somehow infect their kids with depression,” she said.

4 Post Secret favorites

This week's Post Secret cards weren't the best for me. There were only four that stood out to me ...




5000 Question Meme, Part Two


26. Who has done something today to show they care about you?
I just got out of bed, so I have had no contact with anyone other than my dogs. But my dog Oreo did snuggle with me for a long time before we got up. Honestly that's when I feel the most loved

27. Do you have a lot to learn?
I think everyone should learn something new each day..... but sometimes I'm too lazy to bother

28. If you could learn how to do three things just by wishing and not by working what would they be?
 Be a gourmet chef, paint masterpiece artwork, and design/sew high fashion clothing

29. Which do you remember the longest: what other people say, what other people do or how other people make you feel?
How they make me feel

30. What are the key ingredients to having a good relationship?
Trust, honesty, communication, respect

31. What 3 things do you want to do before you die?
Travel to Australia,  find a cure for borderline personality disorder, and find a cure for bipolar disorder

32. What three things would you want to die to avoid doing?
Seeing my abusive father again, being stuck in a room with Richard Simmons, putting my dog Oreo to sleep cause he got sick

33. Is there a cause you believe in more than any other cause?
Preventing violence toward women and children and punishing the people who are violent toward them

34. What does each decade make you think of:
Well I've only been alive in four decades technically, so I'll just stick to those four:
80's: Big hair
90's: Horrible grunge fashion
2000's: The rise and fall of Britney Spears
2010's: Horrible economy

35. Which decade do you feel the most special connection to and why?
I guess the 90's because that's when I was a pre-teen/teenager

36. What is your favorite oldie/classic rock song?
Just how old are we talking? I consider anything before 1995 to be "old" music. Yeah, I can't even think of a song to say

37. What country do you live in and who is the leader of that country?
USA. In theory, I should say president Obama is the leader, but he seems to have no real control

If you could say any sentence to the current leader of your country what would it be?
"What are you thinking?"

38. What's your favorite TV channel to watch in the middle of the night?
I like watching old episodes of the "George Lopez" sitcom on Nick at Nite

39. What Disney villain are you the most like and why?
Cruella de Vil from "101 Dalmations" ... I can be pretty scary and a real bitch, but dogs normally like me

40. Have you ever been a girl scout/boy scout?
I was a girl scout when I was young. Then I got too lazy to keep up with doing the stuff

41. If you were traveling to another continent would you rather fly or take a boat?
I wouldn't want to really do either. Planes scare me because of the heights, and I get motion sickness so boats are out too

42. Why is the sky blue during the day and black at night?
Just because ....

43. What does your name mean?
 I've always been told that Jennifer means something along the line of "fair lady"



44. Would you rather explore the deeps of the ocean or outer space?
This sort of goes with the answer I gave to #41

45. Word association -- What is the first word that comes to mind when you see the word:

Air: Plane
Meat: Loaf
Different: Strokes
Pink: Poodle
Deserve: Pain
White: Elephant
Elvis: Is dead
Magic: Beans
Heart: Broken
Clash: of the Titans
Pulp:  Fiction

46. If you could meet any person in the world who is dead who would you want it to be?
Probably Marilyn Monroe. I don't really have a reason for it, but she is believed to have suffered from borderline personality disorder, so she intrigues me

47. What if you could meet anyone who is alive?
Pink. She's an awesome singer

48. Is there a movie that you love so much you could watch it everyday? 
 "Cruel Intentions"


49. You are going to be stuck alone in an elevator for a week. What do you bring to do?
Food, water, a travel potty, a travel shower, several books and magazines

50. Have you ever saved someone's life or had your life saved?
Every day I feel like my dogs save my life. Without them, I'd probably kill myself when I'm depressed

Saturday, March 26, 2011

It's getting harder just to feel alive


I wish I had some clue about what is happening to me lately. I feel like I'm slipping back into a black hole. I feel like I'm losing my sanity again. I just don't get it. I had started to come out of my depression. I had started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Everything looked like it was getting better. Then everything came crashing down suddenly. It was seemingly out of the blue.

I've always been so good at hiding how I feel inside. Normally to the outside world, everyone thinks I have everything together. No one ever realizes how bad I really am. But it's getting much harder to pretend that I'm ok. I am constantly breaking down and crying in stores or at work or while I'm driving.

I hate going out in public. I hate going to work. All I want to do most days is stay in bed and sleep... if I can even sleep. My mystery shopping is suffering because majority of the time I can't get myself to go do my assignments. I've made myself physically sick over and over again, and I've had to call in sick to work more times since January 1st this year than I did in the first four years of my current job combined.

I feel like my head is going to explode. My thoughts race all the time. The voices in my head won't stop talking ... or yelling at me. Every day is such a struggle. There is a war going on inside me. I am scared I won't win this war. (Of course, I'm always afraid I won't win out each time I break down, but so far I've always made it through)

I've been having lots of nightmares when I can sleep. I freak out a lot about the smallest stupidest things. Some days I just want to beat my head against a wall. I feel like I've lost complete control of my own mind.

My sanity is so paper thin. I feel like my sanity is danging on a tiny thread that is about to break.

I think about cutting myself a lot more than I ever should. Some days, all I do is stare at my wrist wanting to cut.

Suicidal thoughts pop up from time to time. I am smart enough to not commit suicide, but knowing that I don't want to do it doesn't stop the thoughts from coming into my head.

I hate what I'm going through. I hate that I don't understand it. I hate that I don't know what it is. If it was the borderline personality disorder acting up, it would make sense. But it's not the borderline. If it was the bipolar disorder plaguing me, I would understand it. But it's not the bipolar. It's not social anxiety disorder. It's not post-traumatic stress.

Maybe it's everything all at once.... Maybe this time I've truly gone off the deep end.


Animal 'Hoarding' Often Tied to Mental Illness

By HealthDay

A small army of animal welfare workers spent nearly 10 hours removing hundreds of sick and dying animals from a rural North Carolina property in one of the United States' larger animal-hoarding cases.

More than 400 animals -- 17 species in all, ranging from ducks and rabbits to dogs and cats -- had been living in squalor with a middle-aged couple claiming to be animal rescuers. Yet these would-be saviors provided little, if any, food, water, or medical care.

"Every section of the property inspected was just more deplorable and just more hideous than the last one," recalled Shelley Swaim, an animal welfare inspector for the state, who was on the scene that day three years ago.

Hundreds, perhaps thousands, of cases of animal hoarding are believed to occur each year throughout the nation. While hoarders tend to be women, the compulsion to possess large numbers of animals beyond the ability to properly care for them crosses all age, gender, professional and financial boundaries.

Some of these hoarders suffer from significant mental health issues, and the phenomenon is as much a people problem as a pet problem.

The Animal Legal Defense Fund, a California-based animal rights law organization, believes hoarding is the number-one crisis facing companion animals today because of the sheer number of animals affected (an estimated 250,000 annually) and the degree and duration of their suffering.

What separates animal hoarding from other types of cruelty is that the chronic neglect usually is unintentional. The vast majority of hoarders love the animals and try to care for them, but often have very limited insight into the nature and extent of their problem, explained hoarding expert Gail Steketee, a professor and dean at Boston University School of Social Work.

"This is one of the more disturbing aspects of their behavior," she said. "They can look at a group of animals who are sick and emaciated and declare that they are taking good care of them."

While this might be a defensive response to threats made by authorities to remove the animals, she said it seems more deeply rooted. "Once the number of animals has overwhelmed their ability to provide adequate food, shelter and veterinary care, they cannot admit the need for help," said Steketee.

Steketee and colleagues recently interviewed animal hoarders for a study and found that many came from chaotic childhood environments and had problems with early attachment experiences with the parental figures in their lives. They also had more mental health concerns and dysfunctional relationships as adults.

"It is a sad situation because they began with the best of intentions and have failed to meet these," said Steketee. "They deserve our concern, not our wrath, unless they are among the few who are actively cruel toward animals."

Some social workers and veterinarians hope the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, slated for release in May 2013, will include an entry on hoarding. Recognition as a distinct disorder in this reference book will give the mental health community a better understanding of the problem and spur more treatment and resources, these advocates say.

With millions of unwanted pets nationwide, amassing large numbers of dogs, cats, and other sentient creatures isn't difficult. Experts say some hoarders develop a reputation as someone who will accept unwanted pets, or the animals they already own breed year after year. Others actively seek animals from shelters and individuals by perusing print and online classified ads and adoption websites.

Some hoarders also create websites to masquerade as reputable rescue organizations in order to obtain animals, said Gary Patronek, veterinarian and vice president for animal welfare at the Animal Rescue League of Boston.

"There are cases where people are engaging in very formal, large scale efforts and they're actively recruiting to get more and more animals in, when they can't care for the ones they've got, so that's a disturbing trend," Patronek added.

To combat the problem of animal hoarding, a few communities, including Kern County, Calif., and Lee County, Fla., have established task forces to bring together the necessary agencies, including animal and child protection organizations, law enforcement, social services and public health departments.

Trained disaster response teams, run by at least four national animal welfare organizations, are often dispatched to hoarding cases to assist in the rescue and rehabilitation of animals.

Still, many communities struggle to handle these very complicated cases, said Patronek.

"If someone suspects children are not being cared for properly, we certainly don't wait until they're living in absolute filth, or starving, or sick with disease or dying before we go in and do something," Patronek said.

But, that's what happens to animals, he points out, because cruelty laws are crafted to punish people for committing crimes. So if a hoarder is unwilling to co-operate, he said, authorities must wait until a crime takes place, meaning the animals are abused enough or neglected enough, before taking action.

"None of the laws were written to really address this kind of problematic behavior where people accumulate vastly more animals than they have the capacity to care for," he said.

A Long December

Saturday 9: A Long December

1. Looking back at it now, how were your holidays and your time on New Year's Eve?
I spent Thanksgiving alone. I ate my holiday meal at a crowded restaurant, then I went to work. For Christmas, my fiance and I went to my mom's house, and that was ok. New Year's sucked ass. I had to work, which was ok, but my fiance and I were in the middle of a massive fight. Overall, the holidays sucked

2. Do you have any unusual collections?
I collect tiny shoe figurines. Some are porcelain, some are just ceramic, but they're all pretty fashionable. I'm not quite sure how the collection started, but it's went totally crazy. I also collect jewelry stands, but I don't wear jewelry

3. If you could train a machine to do one thing for you whenever you wanted, what would you have it do?
Just one thing? Urgh. I can think of about 20 things just off the top of my head. If I say "clean the house," can that include doing dishes, vacuuming, doing laundry, etc. altogether?

4. What is one thing that makes you cry?
Listening to Carrie Underwood's song "Temporary Home." I swear I start crying every single time it comes on the radio


5. What do you love to do on the weekend?
Sleep

6. Do you and your family get along?
I get along with my mom and younger brother. I have an ok relationship with my mom's oldest sister and a few of my cousins on my mom's side. I tolerate my older brother and the rest of the people on my mom's side of the family. I have no contact with my father or any of his family members

7. Have you ever gotten kicked out somewhere? If yes, do tell.
When I was in the sixth grade on a school trip to the Oklahoma City Zoo, three troublemakers in my class got our entire group kicked out of the zoo. They were on a skylift ride thing and kept pretending they were going to jump out. The zoo employees kicked them off the skylift and hunted down the class sponsors, then told them that we all had to leave. Our school was then banned from taking school trips to the zoo for 10 years. That's how extreme that situation turned out. I think they overreacted

8. Who do you normally turn to when you need to complain about 
something?
I will complain to anyone and everyone around me

9. What is the last thing you ordered on-line?
I bought L.J. Smith's latest book, "The Vampire Diaries: The Return: Midnight" from Barnes & Noble's website. I had pre-ordered it a couple months ago and had to eagerly await its March release date. It killed me to wait that long

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