Keeping my scars covered

Oklahoma has been breaking all sorts of heat records this summer. It's day after day of 100-degree or higher temperatures. It's bad enough as it is heat-wise, but with me being on Effexor, it sucks. Each time I've been on it, I can't be in direct sunlight or in the heat for very long at a time. I can't even mow my lawn without feeling like I'm going to die of a heat stroke. I keep considering asking my doctor for another medicine so I can actually spend time outside, but I haven't done that.

Despite the heat, I'm always wearing pants and often long-sleeve shirts because I want to hide the scars from  my past cutting. One day at work, a coworker made the comment that on Sundays I should just wear shorts to work like the rest of them, but I won't do that because the scars on my legs would show. I wouldn't explain to him why I wouldn't wear shorts to work... It's none of his business anyway.

I'm so ready for fall to start and for cooler temperatures to come in, so I won't be sweating all day while trying to cover the scars and not trying to die of heat stroke

New bipolar group for Oklahoma

I'm happy to announce that a new associate for people suffering from bipolar disorder is being formed in Oklahoma. The group's founder is just in the beginning steps of forming the group, but it's at least a start to something good here. This state is severely lacking in support for people who have mental health issues.

You may follow the group's progress on Twitter at http://twitter.com/OKBipolarAssoc

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Quitting Even Tougher When Smokers Battle Other Addictions

By HealthDay 

Four out of every 10 smokers is also burdened with alcohol or drug addictions, or mental health disorders, and getting them to quit cigarettes can be a big challenge.

But a new study finds that these patients are five times more likely to give up smoking if they receive smoking-cessation counseling from their primary care doctors.

Finding ways to help them kick the smoking habit not only boosts their health but also reduces tobacco-related health care costs, said study author Dr. Michael Ong, an assistant professor of general internal medicine and health services research and a researcher at Jonsson Comprehensive Cancer Center at the University of California, Los Angeles.

In the study, his team looked at success rates among almost 1,400 smokers who tried to quit. The rates were 6 percent for those with so-called "comorbid disorders" (for example, mental illness and/or substance abuse issues) who did not receive smoking cessation counseling from their family doctor, 10.5 percent for those without the comorbid disorders who did not receive counseling, about 31 percent for those with the comorbid disorders who did receive counseling, and nearly 35 percent for those without the disorders who received counseling.

Ong's group also found that smokers with alcohol, drug or mental health disorders were just as likely as those without the disorders to receive smoking cessation counseling from their family doctor -- about 73 percent and 80 percent, respectively.

"It would be very effective for primary care physicians to provide help in quitting smoking to these patients," Ong concluded in a UCLA Health Sciences news release.

"However, in the context of everything these physicians are trying to do in a day, smoking cessation may fall by the wayside," he added. "It's also been thought that with this patient population, doctors should only take on one thing at a time, for example treating an opiate addiction and opting to deal with the smoking cessation later. But at the end of the day, we showed that smoking cessation counseling is effective in this patient population and should definitely be pursued."

The study was published Aug. 23 in the journal Nicotine & Tobacco Research.

A black cat crosses the path of a feather-clad Betty White

1) (Since Bud keeps saying I need a sexier opening question ...) You decide to change doctors, and your new doctor turns out to be one of the sexiest people you've ever met. Does his/her extreme attractiveness make you feel awkward when you talk about very personal, intimate health details?
I have a hot general practice doctor. I mean like "Grey's Anatomy" McHottie type hot. I giggle like an idiot as soon as he walks into the exam room. I always feel awkward discussing sex or my period with him. He's the best doctor I've ever had, but the attractiveness does make things weird

2) Today (August 24) is International Strange Music Day. What is a type of music or a specific song some people would consider strange but you really love?
A coworker recently introduced me to Chris August's song "Candy Wrap." That is one really strange, but hilarious song. I can't embed the video here, unfortunately, but you can click here to watch it on YouTube. I really advise watching it. You'll laugh...

3) If someone mailed you a care package, what items would you hope were included?
Homemade cinnamon rolls would be my #1 need. Then probably some contact solution cause that shit gets expensive and some other random toiletries so I wouldn't have to spend money on them.

4) Are you ever concerned when a black cat walks in front of your car?
I always say a silent prayer when I see a black cat cross my path. I have no clue why. I am not normally a suspicious person, but this one still gets me 


5) UCLA student Kjerstin Gruys has vowed to go an entire year without looking into a mirror, including six months leading up to her wedding. Do you think you could go even a month without looking in a mirror?
I couldn't even go a single day without looking in a mirror. It's not because I really care what anyone thinks of me. I just have this serious issue with having my hair lay perfectly flat. If a single hair isn't lying flat against my head, I freak

6) Fashion-forward people seem to be flocking to feathers lately to accent their outfits. Feathers are being used in jewelry, being braided into hair, and designed right into dresses. Will feathers be weaved into your wardrobe?
I love feather boas. That's the only thing I love that includes feathers, and I'm not about to go walking around on a normal daily basis with a feather boa. Come Halloween... it's on though

7) What are your thoughts on arranged marriages?
They can't be any worse than the marriage I went through, and I picked the fucking moron. He slit my wrist, bit a hole out of my cheek, tried to light me on fire, among other things. I'd take a nice (very rich) guy through an arranged marriage over that any day

8) According to a Reuters/Ipsos study released last week, "Golden Girls" actress Betty White is the most popular and most trusted celebrity in America. What celebrity would you consider to be the most trustworthy?
 Anderson Cooper

9) On the other hand, who do you feel is the least trustworthy celebrity?
Charlie Sheen by far (I wonder how many other people will say him)

10) (Question courtesy of an old episode of the TV show "Scrubs") If you or your significant other were pregnant and if there was a test to see if your future baby would turn out gay, would you have the test done out of curiosity?
 The results of the test would not change my opinion of my future child or change how I would treat him or her after birth, but I think if I got pregnant, I'd get every single test done that I could possibly have done

Abuse, Neglect in Childhood Linked to Depression in Adulthood

By HealthDay 

Adults who suffered abuse or neglect as children have a greatly increased risk of depression, new research finds.

Researchers analyzed 16 epidemiological studies involving more than 20,000 people and 10 clinical trials involving more than 3,000 people.

Childhood maltreatment was associated with a two-fold increased risk of both multiple and long-lasting depression, the analysis found. Survivors of abuse or neglect were also less likely to respond well to treatment for depression, including medication and counseling.

The research was led by a team at King's College London Institute of Psychiatry in the U.K. and will appear in an upcoming issue of the American Journal of Psychiatry.

"Identifying those at risk of multiple and long-lasting depressive episodes is crucial from a public health perspective. The results indicate that childhood maltreatment is associated both with an increased risk of developing recurrent and persistent episodes of depression, and with an increased risk of responding poorly to treatment," senior investigator Dr. Andrea Danese said in a King's College news release.

Maltreatment included physical, sexual or psychological abuse and neglect. Preventing abuse and helping kids in those situations may also help prevent depression later on, researchers said.

Previous research has shown that abuse survivors are more likely to have abnormalities in brain, endocrine and immune system response to stress.

For physicians, being aware of a patient's history of maltreatment may also be useful in determining their prognosis and making treatment decisions, researchers said.

Mental Illness Affects Women, Men Differently, Study Finds

By HealthDay

Certain types of mental illnesses affect either men or women more often, a new study indicates.

Men are more likely to be diagnosed with substance abuse or antisocial disorders while women are more likely to develop anxiety or depression, according to the researchers.

These findings show the need for gender-specific prevention and treatment efforts, said the study authors, who analyzed data collected in 2001 and 2002 from 43,000 people who took part in a U.S. National Institutes of Health survey.

Differences in how women and men internalize and externalize emotions may explain gender variations in the rates of many mental health problems, the team suggested.

Women with anxiety disorders are more likely to keep their emotions inside, which can lead to withdrawal, loneliness and depression. Men are more likely to express and show their emotions, which can lead to aggressive, impulsive or coercive behavior.

The study was published in the Aug. 17 online edition of the Journal of Abnormal Psychology.

The researchers suggested different ways of treating women and men with mental health disorders.

"In women, treatment might focus on coping and cognitive skills to help prevent rumination [as in thinking or reflecting on something too much] from developing into clinically significant depression or anxiety," lead author Nicholas Eaton, of the University of Minnesota, said in a journal news release.

"In men, treatment for impulsive behaviors might focus on rewarding planned actions and shaping aggressive tendencies into non-destructive behavior," he added.

Big wedding news, other good news, a little bad news

So life has been pretty crazy lately, so I haven't written many blog posts about what's going on. Here are some updates:

Wedding news

An official wedding date has been set. I'm not going to announce the exact date on here because my exhusband's prying eyes are always on this blog, but I will say it's in fall 2012. We have colors picked out (dark red, black, and white). We've got a flower girl (my brother's baby) and a ring bearer (my fiance's brother's baby) picked out, and we know the location of where the wedding will be. We have the minister. We have a person who will make our wedding cake (my aunt), and we have a plan for what it will look like. I'm planning to go all crafty and do most of the decorations, ring pillow, flower girl basket, wedding favors, etc. on my own.

We're kind of still trying to work out the bridesmaids/groomsmen issue. He has four really close friends and his brother who will most likely all be groomsmen, but I don't really have five people to be bridesmaids. I have two picked for sure, one that I think I'll go ahead and ask despite us not being extremely close, one that I want to have as a bridesmaid but she'd have to fly in from a foreign country and I'm not sure she'd do that. That leaves me with one more position totally up in the air.

This is the dress that I'm trying to hunt down. I saw it online and fell in love with it. I can't find any mention of it in a store near me, so I'm afraid I'll have to order it through the mail and hope it fits. If I can find a good tailor, I might get a size that I think will be a little too big and have the tailor fit it to me. (You can click the photos for much bigger photos to look at the details if you want to)

I'm thinking about doing one thing to add to my attire that will be a total secret from everyone, even my fiance and mom... assuming I can keep the secret. I'm not good at hiding things. I just want to do something fun to personalize what I wear, and I want people to be surprised.

I'll post updates on all the crafty projects I'm doing as I get start on them all. It will be an interesting year of doing crafts.

Bad news

I'm going to get the bad news out of the way now before I start in on the other good things. My boyfriend basically lost his job last week.

(Just to clarify, I normally call him my boyfriend as opposed to calling him my fiance on here because I frankly don't like the way the word "fiance" looks typed. He asked me about that last week so I wanted to make sure you guys knew why I do that.)

Without going into much detail about it... his company had a new partner come in and decide to make cuts in the name of being more efficient and more profitable. He seems to think he can get someone to come in and do my boyfriend's job at minimum wage, which is so not going to work. We were totally taken by surprise by this. Starting today, they have him working on a "contract" basis until they decide exactly what to do. He was a full-time employee with benefits and got stripped down to a part-time non-employee. He lost his health insurance, 401K benefits, etc.

He's started looking for a new job. I have faith that we'll find him something that will be much less stress than the last job, but I know he feels really hurt, mad, and depressed, not to mention back-stabbed, by the whole situation.... especially since we just officially started planning the wedding and adopted a puppy together and everything.

Other good news

Puppy: Our new puppy Princess Leia is thriving under our care. She has really grown now that she has owners who actually feed her and give her water. She and my other two dogs have adjusted to the new living situation in the last three weeks. We took the puppy into the veterinarian's office on Sunday for her second set of puppy shots, and the vet says he thinks she's actually older than we thought. We had guessed she was 5 months old, but the vet said that she's more like 6 months old, judging by the state of her adult teeth. He said she is now in "excellent" health condition, and he pointed out that he thinks the best thing that could've ever happened to her was to find us. She and my other terrier mix dog Oreo have become best friends, and she gets along, for the most part, with the other dog Pearlz who is an old very very moody chihuahua who hates practically every other animal in existence.

Niece/nephew: My older brother's baby and my boyfriend's brother's baby are both doing very well. My niece turned a month old last week, and she's supposedly already ahead of schedule on some stuff. I don't know anything about raising a baby, so I don't really understand everything they tell me. I'm going to fly out to California soon with my mom and younger brother to meet her. My younger brother and I've never been on a plane before so this will be quite the trip for us. All we hear are positive reports on my boyfriend's nephew also. I have no idea when either of us will get to meet him. (My niece is on the left above, and his nephew is on the right. I don't have a good photo of the boy yet)

3 abuse-free years: On Sept. 3, it will be exactly three years since I kicked my exhusband out of the house and put a final end to the abusive relationship. I've lived three years without having to constantly fear for my life... well he has stalked me and been charged/convicted of stalking and harassing me, but I've lived without letting my feet getting the best of me most of the time. I'm proud of myself for sticking up for myself and declaring my freedom from his abusive ways. I declared independence from the man who slit my wrist, bit a hole in my cheek, jabbed a broken mirror into my throat, among other things. My former best friend told me that night I kicked him out, "What's the big deal? You'll just take him back next week." Don't you love the support I got from her? We aren't friends anymore, mainly because of that. When I needed her, she wasn't there for me. I sure showed her that I'm stronger than she thought I was.

Steer clear of emotional vampires

By McClatchy-Tribune News Service

Does it exhaust you to associate with certain people? Do they drag you down so low, it takes you several days to regain your balance?

If so, classify these individuals as “emotional vampires.” They thrive on sucking life from others.

“I came to work this past week feeling great,” says a bank executive we'll call Fred. “By the time I dealt with our new branch manager, I wanted to take off a week for sick leave.”

Here are some clues you may know an emotional vampire:

• He gives you nothing but bad news. Everything is wrong. He'll tell you that everything is getting more awful every day.
• You can't cheer her up. This person refuses to hear a solution or a pep talk. She's down, and she's going to stay down.
• His problems never get resolved. They grow. If he had two terrible employees last month, these employees are now — according to Mr. Emotional Vampire — stealing company funds or somesuch.

“I think of these life-sucking individuals as dive-bombing birds,” laughs a woman who teaches workplace leadership skills. We'll call her Vicky. Vicky runs into emotional vampires occasionally at her seminars.

“They hang around for miracle answers on personal work issues,” Vicky explains. “They drone on for hours and offer to drive to my hotel with me. They are bent on dragging me down.”

Vicky says she's learned to fix these conversations with a simple ploy. “I tell them I will send them some additional literature,” says Vicky. “I quickly try to summarize their problem and name some literature I can drum up.”

So, does Vicky ever follow through with mailing the literature?

“In some cases, I do,” says Vicky. “But mostly, I try to lose these individuals. Emotional vampires are not interested in fixing their problems. They want to drain away my enthusiasm and love for life. So, I just run!”

Keep in mind that we've all been emotional drainers at one time or another. Who among us hasn't almost crippled our friends with talk of marriage problems, financial woes or workplace issues?

When we're hurting, most of us will launch into a monologue that would try the nerves of any therapist.

So, can anyone unload pain properly — and not become an emotional vampire to others?

Try these tactics:

• Go to your bottom-line question. For example, ask your friends, “Where can I get help for my child? She's getting bullied.”
• Devise a plan of action. If you think your husband is cheating, find out. Don't waste time calling all your friends ten times. Cool down and carefully look for clues.
• Don't discuss every problem with others. There are plenty of bad things to let slide. If someone cuts you off in traffic or your mother-in-law stayed too long over the weekend, don't make these concerns bigger by talking about them.

“I've found that if you talk about problems too much, they will expand!” declares a hospital administrator we'll call Fred. “I have an imaginary iron skillet that I mentally ‘fry' some problems in — and I slam the lid on them.”

Fred says he's discovered emotions are catching — just like a cold. “If I seem powerful and on top of things, my fellow workers get into this groove,” says Fred. “But, if I start to complain, my team will waste an entire morning on venting total nonsense.”

Over the past 25 years, Fred says he's noticed that his most valuable employees are like a non-stick frying pan. “They let a lot of bad stuff go — and let it go quickly. They mentally floss away junk that will clog up their wheels. The worst employees, however, are emotional vampires. They get a ‘high' off making everyone else feel depressed.”

Heaven Eleven Meme

 
Sunday Stealing: The Heaven Eleven Meme

1. If you could live in any other time period, which would you pick?
I'm perfectly happy living in this time period ... with my indoor plumbing, air conditioning/heating, and high-tech items

2. What is your favorite topic to write on your blog other than a meme?
I really like to share poetry that I write about my struggles with mental health. Of course, I'm always struggling to write anything, so it doesn't happen often. I'm in a constant state of writer's block... or as I'm saying lately, I'm "creatively constipated"

3. What are some traits that you admire in a lover?
 Honesty, respect, trust, sense of humor

4. Could you adjust to life in another country?
I don't like change. I'm sure I'd have a lot of trouble adjusting to life in another house at all

5. If you could study anything, what would it be?
I want to go back to college and get a degree in psychology and then become a mental health therapist. That may or may not happen at some point in the future

6. What is your favorite possession that cost less than $15?
Do dogs count as "possessions?" If so, I'd have to say my new puppy Princess Leia and older chihuahua Pearlz that I've had for 3 years. I got both of them for free. My dog Oreo cost me $75 in adoption fees, so he couldn't count

7. Which color do you wear most often?
Black, black, and more black

8. What has been your “theme song,” or favorite song this summer?
"Invisible" by Skylar Grey

9. What's the most romantic thing that's ever been said to you?
 When my boyfriend said he wanted to marry me. I still call him "boyfriend" instead of "fiance" because I hate the way the word "fiance" looks typed out. Just thought I'd clarify that because he made a comment about it a while back

10. What would be your dream birthday cake?
One that says I'll be 29 for the rest of my life. I've decided to boycott my 30th birthday and stay 29

11. What is the coolest thing you’ve ever done?
Playing with baby tigers, lions, and wolves

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You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'

 
Saturday 9: You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'

1. In a relationship, have you ever hung in even when you knew for sure it was over?
I think that was the main reason my marriage lasted as long as it did. I knew it was basically over after like 4 months, but somehow I stuck around for almost 5 years... through all the abuse, even after he slit my wrist. I knew I should've left. Actually I did leave a bunch of times, but kept taking him back. That's what the damn cycle of domestic violence does to you.

2. If you had the ability to perpetually alleviate any pain on your body, what would it be?
 I'd have to say I wish I could make my stomach never hurt again. I can stand a lot of pain, but when my stomach hurts, I'm a baby

3. What place would you visit if money were no object? 
Right now, it would be anywhere that is less than 90 degrees. I'm sick up this heat

4. What is one thing you would love to change about yourself? 
I wish I was born with red hair

5. Do you think your parents were too strict growing up? 
My parents weren't really strict on me, but I also didn't do much to cause them to have to make a ton of rules. I was overall a good girl... of my own choice

6. In general, how many old friends do you have that you talk to at least once a year?
Talk to in person or on the phone? NONE. I talk to a few in Facebook comments every once in a while, but I wouldn't care to see them in person and talk to them

7. What was the last compliment you received? 
 My boyfriend told me I was really strong for making it three years since I finally kicked my now-exhusband out

8. Have you ever told someone you loved them but didn't really mean it? 
I honestly think all of the people who have said it to me meant it, but I didn't ever mean it when I said it back, until my current relationship. I can't even say I even loved my exhusband at any point. He served a purpose. That's all

9. In your opinion, would it be harder to lose someone close to you more as a child or harder as an adult? 
That question is worded a little odd, so I'm not 100% positive what you're asking... but if you're asking what I think you may be asking... I think losing someone as a child is sort of easier because children adapt to change than adults are